Between Darkness and Light, part 10

By Isis Osiris

"We're here for you, Willow. Remember that. We'll figure out what happened and fix it. Come back tomorrow night, if you can, and we'll see what we've found." Giles! I was supposed to check in with him, and I didn't. What if he found something? He doesn't know about me forgetting. Hey, I remembered something. Wait until I tell Spike. He'll… no, wait. I can't tell him. If I do, he'll want to know what I remembered, and then he'll want to know what I was doing talking with the watcher, and then he'll know that I still have a soul, sort of, and Giles told me not to tell him, and hey, I'm remembering quite a bit. I stare in wonder as all the memories that were lost come back, slowly at first, but then with more speed until…. No, no. I didn't do that. Not Oz! How… how could I do that to him? Maybe this is like the elephants. Maybe I didn't do it after all. Then why does it seem so clear, like a memory instead of a dream?

"Willow?" I turn at the sound of Spike's voice. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice him opening the door.

"Sorry, just thinking. Did you find anything?" Maybe I remembered because he found a cure. Or Giles and Xander and Oz… no, they don't know about the amnesia. I really need to talk to them about this.

"Nothing." Spike sauntered over to my side. "I'm sorry, pet, but it seems you are the first sane vampire to have amnesia."

"Sane. So there was an insane vampire with the same problem?" Oh, I'm not liking this. Not liking this one bit.

"Yes. Drusilla." Liking this less and less as we go on here. "She would forget things sometimes, like where she lived or that she couldn't play with crosses. And that the sunlight was harmful to her. That's why we never let her hunt alone. I was afraid she might not come back. And one time, she didn't."

"Spike, I'm so sorry. I… I didn't mean to… What have I done?"

"Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything. And it won't happen again." Oh, I know how to make things better.

"Something happened today, Spike."

"Really, now, Red? Nice change of subject. Not very subtle, but nice. Why don't you tell me about what happened today."

"I remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"Everything. I remember waking up, and you bringing blood, and going hunting, and meeting Oz at the Bronze, and talking to Giles in the library, and everything in between."

"That's fantastic, pet. But what caused it?"

"I don't know. I was kinda hoping that you had found some sort of cure and that's why I remembered. But I guess not, huh?"

"No. I'll have Lucius come in to talk with you later. Maybe he can find something we can't." Spike moves toward the door, but stops when I get up to follow.

"Can I go out tonight? I remembered, and that's why I was here in the first place."

"No, pet. We still don't know what's causing this. What if it happens again? Besides, now that the watcher knows about you, the Slayer will be looking for you. It isn't safe." The Slayer? But Buffy's not… I never told him. And he doesn't know about what Giles knows.

"Then can I go kill them?" I hate even thinking of it, but I need to talk to Giles, and it's the only way.

"You'll get your chance soon enough, but for now, I want you to stay here."

"So I'm to be your prisoner, then, locked up in Drusilla's old room?" If he won't react to the demon's desire to kill, maybe I can guilt him into letting me out.

"Don't talk like that, Willow. You're no prisoner here. And this is no longer Dru's room, it's yours. But if you don't like it, I can have you moved to another." Oh yeah, no guilt. Hmmm….

"I don't want another room, Spike. I want out of here. I'm tired of staring at the ceiling and having my meals brought to me half dead. I'm not weak like Drusilla was. I don't need to be waited on hand and foot. I want to go out in the night and rule this town like we're meant to."

"And you will. But not yet." He comes toward me and I back away slightly. "Not until we find your cure." He continues to close the distance between us and grabs my arms gently. I pull away and run to the open door. I am almost out when I am suddenly pulled backward and to the ground. When I look up, Spike is once again standing between me and the door. "I'm sorry, pet. I… I didn't mean to hurt you…." He is crouching beside me, and I am suddenly filled with anger.

"Don't touch me!" I hiss as I scurry away to the far side of the room. "You may not think I'm a prisoner, but that's what I am. A prisoner in this room and in this mind. I'll stay in this room, but don't think for one moment that I'm happy here. I thought you cared about me, but I was wrong. You just can't stand to be alone, so you brought me here to take Drusilla's place. You said we were alike in many ways, but there's one in which we differ. I actually started to care for you. She just needed you to care for her, and when that ended, she was off with another, wasn't she?"

"Shut up, you lying, venomous little creature! How dare you criticize Dru like that? You know nothing of what we've been through for each other. You don't want your meals brought to you? Fine, I'll stop bringing them. After you stay here alone for a while, we'll see if you like being cared for any better." Spike storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I can hear him yelling at the minions not to let me out or send anything into my room until he tells them otherwise. It seems I am to be alone with my thoughts for quite a while longer. What have I done?