Between Darkness and Light, Part 3

By Isis Osiris

Once again, I am in the dark room, and once again, it is both brighter and darker than before. Did I ever leave? There is a nagging feeling in my mind that tells me that I did, but I do not remember going anywhere. I have taken both paths, and still I am here. This time, I will not choose. I sit in nothingness and wait. The light and dark get stronger and they begin to close in on me. It seems that they are battling for control of the space, and of me. I feel myself being pulled apart and pushed together as the two forces war against each other. I cannot take much more of this, and I pray that it will end soon. The conflict continues, and I am sure that I will not last to see the end. I do not wish for salvation at this point, only for an end, whatever it may be. The torment increases sharply, and I am ripped apart inside. The light has won, but not without some casualties. The dark has also claimed a piece of me. Finally, I can rest.

I drift slowly back into consciousness. Someone is brushing my hair away from my face. "Oz?" I whisper.

"Not yet, pet. There's still an hour until sunset. Then you can finish what you started last night." Spike. Not Oz. That means…

"What I started?" I sat up suddenly and faced Spike, who was sitting beside me. No, no, no, no, no. This isn't happening. Memories of the previous night bombard my mind like a dream. Only, it's not a dream, or even a nightmare. It's real. But I didn't… I would never do something like that.

Spike must sense my confusion. "Yes, Willow. Remember? We're going to play with your friends some more tonight."

"Oh," I visibly relax. "Play. Not kill." The images wouldn't leave me alone. Why am I seeing this? I haven't done anything like these memories showed. I have to find Giles. He can help me figure this out.

"Not yet."

"Yet?"

"Unless you want to step up the game. I'm always ready to bag another Slayer and her Watcher, but you wanted to play with them for a while before you killed them. But if you've changed your mind…"

"No. No, play's good." Play gives me time to figure out what's going on without killing anyone. "Giles," I whisper, knowing he is my only hope.

"So, it's the watcher tonight then? All right. After the sun goes down, you and I will go to the library. Until then, we'll have to amuse ourselves in some other way." He smiled darkly at me. Oh, help. Well, as long as I'm playing the game, I may as well play to win.

"That sounds good to me." My voice is low as I lean toward him with a smile of my own. Our lips are almost touching when I speak again. "How good are you at… Monopoly?"

* * * *

Spike and I walk casually toward the library. Well, Spike's walking casually, and I'm trying my best to play the part of the evil, soul-less vampire intent on hurting those she loved so he won't suspect that there's anything unusual about me. But I don't know what I'm going to do. If the images plaguing my mind are actually memories of the previous night's events, then how am I going to get Giles and the others to trust me long enough to help me? Oz is sure to have told Xander and Cordelia what happened in the alley, and by now, they must have told Giles. They're probably trying to build up the strength to stake me, which might not be so bad. I mean, if I can't control what I do, then I don't want to wake up one evening and remember killing my friends. I think I can finally understand what Angel went through when the Romani restored his soul. No wonder he shut himself away from other people. And to know that it could happen again… that I could suddenly become evil and become what I have spent the last two years fighting. Death seems much more pleasant than dealing with that.

"Is everything okay, pet?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine, Spike. Why?"

"You're just being awfully quiet. Last night, you couldn't stop talking about your plans for each and every one of… what did you call them… the Slayerettes?"

"Oh, well, I'm thinking about my plans for tonight. And remembering the look on Oz's face when I left him." Well, it's not a total lie. I am trying to figure out how to explain what's going on, and I can't get the look of hurt and disbelief on Oz's face out of my mind.

"I thought perhaps you were having second thoughts."

"What? Why would you say that?" Oh no. He knows something's wrong. What do I do now?

"I was being sarcastic, pet. I was joking. I saw you yesterday. I know you want nothing more than to hurt them until they beg for death. You've got quite a talent for creative torture. Touring Europe with you is going to be quite the adventure." He stops and faces me, waiting for something.

"Why'd you stop?" Okay, now he expects me to be creative when I kill my friends and family. This just gets better every minute.

"We're here."

"Where? Oh, the school. Right. So we should go in and see them, huh?" Please don't hate me for this, guys. I don't want to do this, but how can I not, if Spike's watching?

"Go ahead. I'll wait here for you, just like last night." He's not watching? Good. Why not?

"You aren't coming with me?" I try my best not to sound relieved.

"I made a promise not to hurt any of your friends. And I always keep my promises. Besides, I don't want to spoil your fun."

"Oh."

"I'll be out here, in case you need me. But I don't think that's likely to happen."

"Alright, Spike. I'll be back in a few minutes." Giles, please don't stake me when I walk in the door.

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