Between Darkness and Light, Part 4

By Isis Osiris

I walk silently down the hallway and pause outside the library door. If I were alive, I know my pulse would be rapid and my breathing unsteady. But I show no signs of nervousness. I can hear the conversation on the other side of the door.

"But she's Willow! You can't kill her." Poor Xander. This must be killing him.

"We have no choice, Xander. She's not Willow anymore. I know it will be hard, but we cannot allow the demon's resemblance to your friend distract you from what must be done." No, Giles! Don't give up on me. That wasn't me.

"But -"

"He's right, Xander." Not you, too, Oz. "That wasn't Willow. The way she acted… She wasn't the girl we knew."

I almost turn and run from the library, but if I do, Spike will know that there is something different about me. And if I don't explain things now, I may never get the chance to. Gathering all my courage, I push the doors open and walk into the library.

"Hey guys."

The three men turn and face me suddenly. At first, none of them know what to do. Xander is the first to react. He runs up to me and pulls me into a tight hug. "Tell them it's not true. You're not a vampire, are you?"

"Yes, I am, Xander." He immediately lets go of me and backs up as if I had burned him. "I'm sorry, but I am. But something went wrong. Giles, I have a soul."

"Why should we believe you? Oz told us what happened at the Bronze last night. That was not the way the Willow we know acts."

"I know, Giles. I don't know how to explain it, but -"

"Giles, it's her. She's telling the truth." Thank you , Oz.

"How do you -"

"I just know. Maybe it's the werewolf, or maybe it's because I know her, but this is Willow."

"Very well, then. Why don't you explain what happened, Willow."

"It started the day I got out of my wheelchair."

"But that was -" Oz interrupts me.

"The day you came over, I know." I turn back to the others. "Someone came to the door, and I thought it was Oz, so I yelled for him to come on in. Only, it wasn't Oz. It was Spike. I was sure that he was going to kill me, but he didn't. He offered me a choice."

"And you chose to become a vampire? How could you, Willow?"

"It was the only choice I had, Xander. He told me I could either become a vampire, or he would kill me and all of you. Then he promised that he wouldn't hurt any of you if I went with him. I couldn't let him hurt you, so I asked for a day to decide and make all the necessary preparations. He agreed and left just before Oz got there. The next night, I waited for him at the cemetery, and he changed me."

"That doesn't explain what happened at the Bronze."

"I know, I'm not sure what happened either. I remember waking up, and I had no desire to hurt anyone. In fact, the very thought of being a vampire terrified me. I just knew that Spike would notice something wrong. But he didn't. He just told me to sleep. I must have woken again that night and gone to the Bronze, but I don't remember that at all. All I know is that I woke the next day a little before sundown, and it was like I was remembering a horrible dream. Only it wasn't a dream because Spike remembered it too. And you know what happened. I'm scared Giles. What if it happens again? I don't want to hurt anyone, but what if I have no control over my actions? Please help me."

"Of course I will. I'll see if there are any other cases like this. In the meantime, don't let Spike know that you're not the same as other vampires."

"But what if -"

"If you lose your soul again, we will take you and keep you locked up somewhere. We won't kill you, but we won't let you hurt anyone either."

"Thank you Giles. I'd better go then." I reluctantly stand and walk toward the door. "Spike's waiting for me."

"We're here for you, Willow. Remember that. We'll figure out what happened and fix it. Come back tomorrow night, if you can, and we'll see what we've found."