Between Darkness and Light, Part 8

By Isis Osiris

 

Bored now. Spike's been gone for hours. I tried sleeping, but it's not working. I'm scared. That's something you don't hear everyday. A vampire admitting fear. Of herself. I mean, it's the forgetting to care that's supposed to make the whole killing and maiming thing fun, but when the forgetting thing gets out of control, it is scary. I don't know what to do. Spike's being so wonderful about it, and he's sure that he'll find the cause and the cure for this, but I'm not so sure. Maybe ha can find something similar, but what if the cure doesn't work? Will I continue to forget? Or will I just have this hole in my memory?

I'm not like other vampires. Or am I? What are other vampires like? I know what the Slayer and her Watcher told me before I died, but I don't know anymore. They said that vampires are soulless killers incapable of human emotions. Maybe that is true. But what about non-human emotions? Spike seems to care about me, and not just because he's my sire. He certainly doesn't spend this much time doting on any other fledglings. But even if vampires aren't what I'd been taught that they were, there's still something different about me. Something just feels wrong. And it's nagging at the corner of my mind, but I can't seem to grasp it. I'm supposed to be resting, but I can't. Not until I find answers to some of these questions. I sigh and lie back in the bed and stare at the ceiling once again as the door opens and Spike reenters the room, carrying an unconscious young girl.

"What are you doing, pet?" He sets the girl in the corner and shuts the door.

"I'm naming all the stars." I reply sarcastically. Spike pauses for a moment. Maybe my sarcastic voice needs a little work.

"That's the ceiling, luv." Something's bothering him. But what?

"I know that, Spike. I was joking."

"Oh." He's still lost in thought.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Just unwanted memories coming back."

"That doesn't seem quite fair."

"Run that by me again?"

"Here I am with a shortage of memories, and you've got an excess. It doesn't seem fair to me."

Spike laughs and moves to the edge of the bed. "No, it doesn't, does it?" I made Spike laugh. But why did I need to? Did I do something wrong?

"What was it?"

"What was what?"

"Now you sound like me. What was the memory?"

"Drusilla. She said that once, when she was… before she got her strength back."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

Great. Now I've gone and made him all broody, like Angel. Note to self: Don't say anything that could remind Spike of an insane vampire. What would remind him of her? How do I keep from sounding insane? Was she really insane? Or maybe she was the only sane one, and we're all insane. That certainly puts a new perspective on things, doesn't it?

"Willow? Are you still there?"

"Hmm? I'm here. Just thinking. Willow thoughts. You miss her, don't you?"

"Every day. Well, usually every night, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. Spike… am I a weird vampire?"

"Come again?"

"Am I a weird vampire? Do I seem any different than any of the others?"

"Yes." I knew it. There's something wrong with me. "You are different, but that's common. You were quite the unique human, as I recall. That carries over."

"So it's normal to be weird. Well, that makes the kind of sense that's not."

"Not what?"

"Not sensible. Sorry. Oz-speak."

"Don't worry about it. Hungry yet?" My stomach growls at the thought of food. Spike chuckles. I guess that's a yes. Well," he gestures to the girl in the corner, who is beginning to awaken. "Have at her."

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