Time To Say Goodbye

By Isis Osiris

Buffy is gone. I don’t know how else to say it. She’s gone, and I don’t think she’s coming back… at least not any time soon. I almost wish we hadn’t heard from her. At least then I would have had the hope that she and Angel were catching up and forgiving one another, and she would be home soon. Now I don’t even have that hope. I don’t know what to think or do or say to anyone. I just sit here staring at her letter. I’m supposed to meet everyone at the library soon to tell him or her the news. I… I don’t know how I’m going to do it, though. It’s not fair! Why’d she have to go off and leave us like this, unprotected? True, there aren’t really any demons around. She was right. They left when she did, just like last summer. But that’s not the point. Sunnydale’s still a Hellmouth, and she’s leaving us without a Slayer. Now I wish I hadn’t sent Oz home. He’d sit here with me, and tell me that we’ll get through it. And some how he’d make me smile and believe him. But I sent him away, preferring to think about this alone for a while.

Oz brought me home, as he has ever since the accident. Well, he gave me rides before I was confined to a wheelchair, too, but now it’s everyday. It’s so sweet of him, and sometimes he’s a bit overprotective of me and won’t let me stay to research at the library after dark, which is understandable considering the reason I’m now in a wheelchair is because I was in the library helping Buffy after dark, but… oh, now I’m babbling again. The point was, Oz gave me a ride home, and was helping me into the house when he found the note. Lying on the step was a plain envelope with my name written in perfect script. Oz didn’t see it at first because he was unlocking the door, but he saw my reaction to it and then saw the envelope. He picked it up and looked at it before handing it to me with a smile. I looked at him questioningly before examining the paper in my hand. He knew about the letters from Angelus… especially the one with my fish. Why would this be amusing to him. I got my answer when I began to open it. On the back, in small, neat lettering, was written "Don’t worry, Will, there are no fish in this, I promise." As Oz wheeled me inside and to the couch, I read the letter.

Dear Willow,

I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, but I don’t have the strength to face everyone anymore. I hope you understand. I am leaving Sunnydale, at least for now. Perhaps I can come back someday, but I cannot stay here. I wanted to tell you that your spell worked. Angel has his soul back. Unfortunately, it was too late, and I had to kill him. It was awful. He looked at me the way he did before the change, and he kissed me and we held each other. Then I told him to close his eyes and I killed him, Willow. He trusted me, and I ran him through with a sword in order to save the world. Whistler was right, I did have one thing left to lose, and I lost him.

Willow, I don’t want you to blame yourself for my leaving. It’s not because Angel is dead instead of Angelus. At least I got to say goodbye. I left because I am too dangerous to be around. I hurt all of you and almost got you killed by being too close. I did get Kendra killed. If only she hadn’t given me her stake. But I can’t change the past. All I can do is give you the best future I can. And so I’m going away. The demons should follow me and leave Sunnydale alone. They are without a leader now. Angel… well, you know what happened to Angel, and Spike promised to take Druscilla out of the country and never return. I don’t know why, but I believe him. Part of it is because he is the reason Giles is still alive. Remember my lucky break? It was Spike.

Anyway, take care of yourself. And please make sure my mom is okay. She knows I am the Slayer, but she doesn’t know how to accept it. If she comes to you with questions, please tell her the truth. She deserves to know. Tell her I love her and I know she didn’t mean what she said that night. Tell Giles I’m sorry for failing him, and I hope his next Slayer doesn’t let him down. Give Xander and Cordy my best wishes for the future and tell Oz he’d better take care of you. If I find out he’s not, then he’ll regret it. I love you all, and maybe we’ll meet again someday. Please don’t come looking for me, this is truly for the best.

Love Always,

Buffy Summers

I sat and wiped the tears from my eyes as Oz read the letter. We spent a long time just sitting together, lost in our own thoughts. I finally gathered the strength to speak.

"Oz? Do you think you could call the others? And have them meet us at the Library in half an hour? I… I need some time to figure out how to tell them about all of this."

"Are you sure, Willow? I don’t want to leave you if you’re upset like this."

"I’m fine, really. It’s a lot to process, you know? And I just need to think it through before I face everyone else."

"All right, if you’re sure you’re up to this."

"I am, Oz, really."

"I’ll come by to pick you up at 4:30, then, okay?"

"That’ll be fine. I’d thank you for being so good to me, but you don’t like thank-yous. And I’d hate to make you have to bail."

"Right. So I’ll call the others and come rescue you from your thoughts." He kissed me once, gently, and let himself out the door, leaving me to ponder how exactly to break the news that Buffy was not returning.